Ever wonder what it would look like if Pittsburgh neighborhoods had personalities? Not just vibes—actual characters. Like, full-blown archetypes who live rent-free in your head and possibly next door. From the Lawrenceville legend who’s already planning your next birthday bash to the Shadyside dog mom who’s never without her green juice, we’re exposing the hyper-specific humans who practically are their ZIP codes. Be warned, this list might just hit a little too close to home. And if you’re looking to buy a home in Pittsburgh, check this list to see who your new neighbors will be before you lock in that offer.

5 Pittsburgh Neighborhood Personalities You Definitely Know

Ever wonder what it would look like if Pittsburgh neighborhoods had personalities? Not just vibes—actual characters. Like, full-blown archetypes who live rent-free in your head and possibly next door. From the Lawrenceville legend who’s already planning your next birthday bash to the Shadyside dog mom who’s never without her green juice, we’re exposing the hyper-specific humans who practically are their ZIP codes. Be warned, this list might just hit a little too close to home. And if you’re looking to buy a home in Pittsburgh, check this list to see who your new neighbors will be before you lock in that offer.

1. Lawrenceville

The Perpetually Single Gay Older Friend Who Has the Best Outfits and Best Night Out Ideas

He’s 44, his skincare routine costs more than your rent, and he’s already reserved the rooftop at Grapperia for your birthday dinner six months from now. He knows the bartenders at every one of the best Pittsburgh cocktail lounges by name, owns at least three dramatic coats, and always manages to get the group into Spirit without waiting in line. His apartment smells like Diptyque and has a color-coded bookshelf. You will never know peace, but you will always know where the party is.

2. Shadyside

Almond Pilates Mom Who Is Only Child is a Golden Doodle

She floats into Press House in a matching Set Active outfit and refers to her dog, Bentley, as her “son.” She has a standing hair appointment every Friday at Studio Booth, drinks $14 smoothies “for gut health,” and has very strong opinions about which Whole Foods employees she trusts to make her salad. She's always “on her way to Pilates” but somehow never actually gets there. Lives in a perfectly styled Shadyside townhome and works in marketing but no one knows for what company.

3. South Side

Retired Frat Bro Who Peaked in 2012 But Still Throws the Best Parties

He’s 34, still drinks vodka Red Bulls like he’s immune to consequence, and calls everyone “bud.” Owns a house that's somehow both falling apart and filled with top-tier AV equipment. Hosts an annual Halloween party that everyone goes to, and yes, he still has a beer pong table in the basement. Has a surprisingly successful job in tech sales, drives a Jeep with a Yeti sticker, and refers to Carson Street as “the Strip” even though nobody else does.

4. Bloomfield

Soft Boy Bartender Who Writes Poetry and Definitely Has a Cat Named After a French Philosopher

Wears vintage everything, preferably from the appointment-only Three Rivers Vintage, smells like Palo Santo despite being called a culture vulture, and has a mysterious past that involves “a summer in Berlin.” He’ll make you a perfect Negroni, then casually mention his band is playing a house show this weekend (he’s the bassist, obviously). He lives in an old walk-up with houseplants hanging from the ceiling and a bathroom you’re a little scared of, but he claims the deteriorating wood is part of the aesthetic. He is absolutely heartbreak in human form, but he introduced you to the vegan Rueben at Kaibur, so...there’s that.

5. Squirrel Hill

Neurotic Yet Endearing Grad Student Who’s Low-Key the Most Emotionally Stable Person You Know

They’re always “catching up on reading” but somehow still know everything happening in your life. Eats mostly plant-based but will absolutely destroy a pastrami sandwich from Murray Avenue Deli. Has a calendar for fun activities and a separate one for deadlines. Rides a bike, volunteers at the library, and knows exactly where to find the cheapest organic produce (according to them, the claims of bugs in bulk grains at East End Co-Op are a smear campaign created by Whole Foods). Their apartment has twinkle lights, a million throw pillows, and a mug collection that tells a story… or maybe just tells you that they own too many mugs.

6. Transplant

Very Interesting Individual Reading about Pittsburgh Online, Looking for a Life Change and a Legendary Mortgage Banker to Help Them Trust the Process

Does that sound like you? Maybe someone you know? We might not have a crystal ball to predict future interest rates, but I bet it was spookily accurate! Team Jerry Pounds is here to help you find your place in Pittsburgh, whether you fit into one of these categories or none of the above. Reach out to us today to explore your options for home financing in Pittsburgh today!